Deviant Login Shop  Join deviantART for FREE Take the Tour
×

:iconseraphim1004: More from Seraphim1004


More from deviantART



Details

Submitted on
February 28
Link
Thumb

Stats

Views
61
Favourites
3 (who?)
Comments
4
×
Prologue~

“Everybody has three parts—three parts that create their existence. A body, a soul, and a heart. The body is known as “human” and is a physical being living on Earth. The soul is known as Ego and is a spiritual being living on Miros Earth. The heart is the link between the two and is materialized into a gate that connects them. A powerful heart can become a powerful weapon—a positive force used to expel negative Sin. Sin corrupt both the body and soul, so they fight back to protect the whole being. That is the purpose of a GATE. That is our existence.”
~Nadea Volkov

Somewhere beneath the moonlight laid an average town, seemingly getting ready to turn in for the night. The lights were dimmed and the suburban areas grew dark. Stores put up their “Closed” signs and the streetlights turned on. Only a few late-night restaurants and a small police station were brightly filled, their light casting shadows through the windows. A dark forest at the edge of town began to be filled with small clicks and whistles of bugs and nocturnal creatures just getting up. Breaking the cool still of the night, a huge shadow loomed over several houses, its two pitch-black eyes scanning for its next victim. It bore claws and two huge, curved horns on its ugly head. On its chest was a peculiar pattern, but a giant “X” blocked whatever the faded fancy marks used to be. The bear-sized creature took giant leaps over the rooftops of the sleeping civilians below, using its hunting instincts to stay silent and ready for the kill.

“Found him!”

The creature quickly turned around to see, standing on another house across from him are two…teenagers. A boy and a girl, seemingly of Asian descent but the darkness shrouded their faces. The monster, however, was in plain sight for them beneath the moonlight. It was the boy who had called out. He was tall, with a lanky, muscular build, and a flash of spiky orange hair held up by a headband. By his side, the girl, her head barely reaching over his shoulders, stood watching closely, ready for anything the enemy had for her. There wasn't anything eye-catching besides her long, dark black hair. It was as pitch black as the creature’s eyes, flowing through the small breeze.

The monster gives an eerie smile, “What? They sent kids after me?” Its voice was raspy and rough, like a growl.

“Yeah, they sent kids after you because that’s all you’re worth!” the boy replied.

The monster lunged at them. The two swiftly dodged, obviously having been trained for combat such as this. But the monster didn't stop; he had escaped! The boy cursed in Japanese. The two ran after him, leaping across the rooftops. It was a wild goose—er, monster—chase. The boy then realize where the monster was headed.

“He’s trying to escape into the forest!”

The girl nodded and signaled to him. The two separated, the boy still following their target. On the other hand, the monster had reached the edge of town. His spiky fangs glinted as he smiled again, seemingly successful in his escape.

“I don’t think so!”

The boy arrived just in time, and blocked the monster from his escape route.

“You’re mine.”

“To a puny kid like you? Grr…where’s the other one?”

“I said you’re mine didn’t I?”

“Ha! I really didn’t wanna kill ye kid! You think you can stop me?!”

Suddenly a flash of light appeared in the boy’s hand! It vanished just as quickly as it came, leaving a huge sword that was almost as tall as the boy himself. The sword sparked once, the blade covered with intricate patterns that looked like a lightning bolt.

“Yeah, I think I can.”

“GRR-RAGH!”

And on that note, the two engaged in battle. The boy quickly swung his sword with ease, making the sword seem like it weighed as much as a light, wooden bat. The monster blocked with his clawed hands, then struck with his horns. The boy maneuvered around him and managed to slice off one of his horns. The monster growled with rage and charged again, only to barely miss getting cut in half. Seeing as how he had underestimated the boy’s strength, the monster attempted to escape once again. He leapt high into the air, out of the sword’s reach.

BAM!

Out of the treetops, the girl appeared and landed a powerful kick, right on his head! The boy jumped up and slashed the monster through as he fell back from the kick. The body never reached the ground. The monster vaporized and all that was left was a small, white light. It floated up into the sky and the night was silent once again.

“Mission accomplished.” The girl walked to the boy with a small grin on her face. “Got him.”

“Uh, no, I got him.”

“I didn't even activate Soul Release. And you only got him ‘cause I kicked him to you!”

“You freaked me out! I thought I was gonna get crushed by the guy!”

“Just put your sword away and let’s go.”

“Yes ma’am,” he replied sarcastically and in the same flash of light, the sword vanished as quickly as it had appeared. “Hey, you think we can get some ice-cream before we go?”

“We can just eat back home!”

“But I heard this shop nearby has really good ice cream. And I’m—” his stomach interrupted him, “hungry…”

She sighed and admitted defeat.

“Fine.”

“Cool! No scanning right?”

“No, we’re good. The people were all asleep, and fortunately, no property damage was caused either.” Soft purrs were suddenly heard behind their heads but silence fell once more. The boy tapped the girl’s shoulder.

“Ice cream now?”

“Yes, ice cream now, let’s go.”

They walked back to the town and headed for a late-night ice cream shop. They seemed what they seemed to be, normal teenagers hanging out at nighttime eating cherry chocolate-chip. No one knew about the battle that had occurred that night. No one noticed anything different, anything strange. There were no shadows, no monsters, and the young souls vanished, leaving the town back to its peaceful state. Only the night sky knew what had happened underneath its moonlight.
This is the prologue to a story I'm working on. It's still a work in progress but I hope you'll enjoy reading it. Synopsis and world info and all that stuff will be uploaded in the future :)

....Apparently I've been warned to protect this....thank you!!
Add a Comment:
 
:icon14amychan:
14AmyChan Featured By Owner Mar 1, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
I liked this prologue!  I'm not good at giving huge amounts of feedback, so I don't really know what to say.  ^^;  Can't wait to find out what their names are, what they were doing there, who trained them, etc!  *^_^*
Reply
:iconchikitawolf:
ChikitaWolf Featured By Owner Feb 28, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Great prologue! I'd say that you've successfully grabbed a reader's interest (certainly mine) with what's here. You started with a creepy beginning, a monster overlooking innocent people, and the way you described it left a lasting impression in my head. It definitely made me want to read more! And then yay a battle scene 8D

I'm happy to see that you didn't give out a ton of in-depth information, merely giving us a taste of what's to come. A lot of people make the mistake of going all out lmao. You kept it simple but intriguing, just as a prologue should be. The introduction of your characters also gave us an appetizer of their personalities and interaction - they certainly sound fun to hang around xD Can't go wrong with ice cream!

My favorite parts were certainly the beginning scene with the giant monster overlooking the city for its prey, and then that ending sentence. Lovely ending sentence there <3

I did notice some errors though; there are some areas where you write in present tense, then suddenly you're in past tense (which is the easiest tense and most common one to write in). For example, you start out with mostly present tense in the beginning, but then move to past, then to some more present again. It got a little confusing for me xD

Also, in listing off your descriptive adjectives, in a lot of the adjective pairs you didn't include a comma. When you have two adjectives describing something, such as "two huge, curved horns," you need that comma in there for it to be grammatically correct. (The trick I use to figure out if you need a comma there is to say the sentence outloud; if you can include an "and" in between the adjectives, you need a comma - ex: "two huge curved horns" -> "two huge [and] curved horns" = "two huge, curved horns").

Corrections if interested:
"It bore claws and two huge[,] curved horns on [its] ugly head."
"The monster[,] however, was in plain sight for them beneath the moonlight."
"There wasn't anything eye-catching besides her long[,] dark black hair."
"It was [as] pitch black as the creature’s eyes, flowing through the small breeze."
"The boy quickly swung his sword with ease, making the sword seem like it weighed as much as a light[,] wooden bat."
"The monster vaporized and all that was left was a small[,] white light."
"Uh, no[,] I got him.”
"The people were all asleep[,] and fortunately, no property damage was caused either."
"There were no shadows, no monsters[, or ;] and the young souls vanished, leaving the town back to its peaceful state."


Your story sounds really interesting so far! I look forward to reading more <3
Reply
:iconseraphim1004:
Seraphim1004 Featured By Owner Feb 28, 2014
Oh my goodness thank you so much!! This is really helpful and I'll definitely continue writing more :) Thank you thank you!~
Reply
:iconchikitawolf:
ChikitaWolf Featured By Owner Mar 6, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
I'm glad it was!
I look forward to it 8D
Reply
Add a Comment: